Following the dominant computer firm’s helpful guide to not buying an iPod Shuffle, Crazy Apple Rumors gives us some future Microsoft Advice:

• Under no circumstances should your MP3 player be stylish. You don’t want to be taken for a dandy. After all, you never know when you may find yourself incarcerated through an unfortunate series of events that are no fault of your own. And you know what they do to dandies in prison. Yikes.
• When picking an operating system or office suite, it’s a great idea to go with the one with the highest market share, because you’re guaranteed a quality product that will be around for years to come. But not with flash-based MP3 players. It’s a completely different situation. Completely.